Back At Your Door
by bubblebuttsbabe
Summary: SONGFIC. Tommy messes up again. How is he gonna get her back this time? After this long? Based on the Maroon 5 song, 'Back At Your Door'
1. From Moment The Lights Went Off

A/N: Hey! I started this fanfic because of a song, as usual. Anyway, I guess this is what everyone considers a 'songfic.' It is based off of one song called 'Back At Your Door' by one of my favorite bands, Maroon 5. It is on their new album 'It Won't Be Soon Before Long,' which comes out on May 22; just FYI. :D _Italics are the song lyrics._

I heard the song and immediately thought of a certain IS couple and magically, this chapter was born. It's different from the only other fanfic I have posted on here, 'So Damn Clever,' which I know has not been updated for like a week or something or other. I haven't forgotten, believe me, I just couldn't help myself with this one. This week a new chapter will be up. Promise. Maybe some Jommy. Or maybe not. :D

Anyway, the writing is different on this facfic, so we will see how this goes. It shouldn't be too long; maybe 10 chapters at max, at least that's the idea. However, some of you may know my ideas don't usually go as planned. :D

Oh well, I hope you like. I also hope you do the following: listen to Maroon 5, watch Dancing With The Stars on Monday and Tuesday and drool over Apolo Anton Ohno, and maybe vote for him too. That's what I'll be doing when I'm not writing on either of my fanfics. :D

THANKS MUCHO:D

* * *

He stood in front of his best friend's house for what felt like hours, if only mere minutes. How was he going to fix this? No one knew. She left him; like she did every day, but this time, she wasn't coming back. He knocked lightly for a few seconds, watching a bedroom light turn on and then the porch illuminated. A sleep deprived man opened the door and stood in front of Tommy. Disheveled and shaken, Kwest pulled the door back a bit more and let his friend in.

"I fucked up, Man," Quincy confessed. Kwest walked away, having heard the same song and dance for the past two years; the same amount of time his best friend and on-and-off artist had been more than just musical collaborators.

"Blanket and pillow on the couch. You guys will be fine tomorrow. Just get some sleep," Kwest said yawning as he started up the stairs to occupy his bed once more.

Tommy shook his head, still standing the foyer of his friend's place. This wasn't easy for him. "Kwest, you don't get it. I messed up. Like break-up messed up."

"She wouldn't break-up with you," Kwest stated on the stairs as he turned to face Tommy.

"What does this say to you?" Tommy held his hand up. In between his index finger and thumb held a platinum circle with three diamonds; their past, their present, and their future. So they had a past, their present was looking pretty gloomy, and their future was nowhere to be found.

Kwest's eyes widened. He scrambled down the few stairs he had climbed and rushed to Tommy. He took the ring in his hand, just to make sure it was real. The inscription inside the ring read 'To my Girl.' It was hers, but what was he doing with it? "She gave you her ring back? T, what did you?"

"Is, um, Sadie here?" Tommy asked, unsure if he wanted her input on the situation.

"T, ANSWER THE QUESTION!!!!" Kwest sounded angrily, standing a few feet away from Tommy with the ring still in his hand.

Tommy sat down on the couch. He put his head in his hands. "I, uh, I-" Tommy sighed, "I lied." Tommy picked his head up, not knowing if Kwest had heard his muffled confession.

Kwest rolled his eyes. This was not new. Everyone knew Tommy Q was a liar. "About what? Lip-syncing in BoyzAttack? The number of your conquests? What?"

Tommy swallows hard. "About being married. _Before_."

Kwest's right hand met his forehead in complete and utter frustration. He walked up to Tommy, who was still sitting and looked at him in the eye. "How could you?! HER PARENTS ARE DIVORCED! You know how she is about marriage. ONCE AND THAT'S IT!"

"I GET IT, KWEST!" Tommy shouted.

"NO! You don't. If you did, you would be at home. With her. Not sleeping on my couch," Kwest looked disgusted, "Man, I can't even look at you. You'll deal with this in the morning." Kwest backed up and walked to the stairs. He had had enough for one night.

"Yeah, Man. Thanks for-" Tommy started.

Kwest angrily brushed him off as he pounded up the stairs. "Just go to sleep."

Tommy silently nodded and leaned back. His head was full of thoughts and voices. Her voice to be exact. 'We're done.' She threw the ring at his head and walked away, picking up her purse and coat. She took one final look at him as she opened the door. The last thing he remembered before falling asleep, tugging the blanket around him and holding onto the pillow as if it was her, was the door slamming shut.

**That had been exactly one year ago. On the dot.**

_From the moment the lights went off  
Everything had changed_


	2. In My Head It All Feels The Same

**A/N: **So I watched Apolo kick some serious ass tonight! I am so freakin' proud to be a fan...:D

But that is beside the point, right? I wrote two chapters tonight. Nothing major, but it tells what has been going on for the past year; at least in Tommy's eyes. I like it, but then I wrote it, so I guess I'm biased. :D

Anyway, same thing: song is by Maroon 5, called 'Back At Your Door' from their new album 'It Won't Be Soon Before Long' which comes out TOMORROW! Which also is APOLO'S BIRTHDAY:D Not that you care, but I do.

I guess at some point I should acknowledge the fact that I don't own anything included in this fanfic: song, characters, and otherwise. I guess that's my lame attempt at a **disclaimer**.

Oh well, I'm going to post the next chapter after this, so there will be two to read. YAY:D

Okay, I think I'm done. You can now start reading. :D

THANKS MUCHO!!

* * *

He threw back the door and haphazardly arranged his leather jacket and car keys on the table in the foyer. A swift kick of his foot and the door was closed once more. His house after a day of producing; what used to be their house, but it was no longer a home. He moved stealthy through an interior decorator's dream and entered the kitchen, but he wasn't hungry. He never was. Not since that night. Could have been why he was skin and bones nowadays and probably why his liver was slowly deteriorating away. He opened the cherry wood cabinet door and pulled out a bottle of cognac and a highball glass. Even if he planned on drinking the entire bottle of cognac, he was going to use a glass. It was what she would do. The auburn liquid didn't burn anymore; just slid down his throat with ease. Tommy walked up the plush padded stairs to the room they used to share. After closing the door, he placed the highball on top of the nightstand next to his side of the bed and took off his shirt and jeans. He pulled back the covers and slipped underneath them.

He pulled the covers up to his neck and turned to face the other side of the bed, holding on to the air underneath the blanket as it was her. He closed his eyes, although still awake, and saw her lying next to him.

_Lie awake in an empty room  
In my head it all feels the same_

'We're done' she had said. He thought she was joking; that she'd lock herself in the studio to musically calm herself down, all the while telling him to leave. And he would have, but she didn't. Instead she took off her ring and chucked it at him hitting the bread box with a light 'ting.' She had never had a good aim. And this time, she walked out, but never returned.

_Like the taste of the day you left  
It still lingers on my breath_

He pulled her pillow closer to him as if it brought _her_ closer to him. He ran his fingers over it again and again, never once opening his eyes. He didn't need to; he knew all the spots by heart. Each time they fought she had taken the pillow with her. There was an enormous hardened spot of salt from all her tears. Some had been happy, but most were sad. Then there was the circle of lipstick that her mouth had left when she screamed into it the _first_ time. A shade of red over whether to play jazz during dinner when all she wanted was conversation. On the edge of the pillow were the imprinted bumps from her fingers when he tried _once_ to pry the pillow from her. It was a mistake he knew; he received six bruises on his chest from all the pounding she had done. It signified all they had been through, but the one who had once needed it most wasn't there.

_And the dampness of tears that left  
That stain where you had wept_


	3. All Alone With The Negliee

A/N: So here is the next chapter. This is the main thing that has been going on, hence the title 'Back At Your Door.'

I am done, so I now give you permission to read this chapter.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, APOLO :D

* * *

A cackle rang through the house the next night. She never sounded like that, he thought. They made their way to his-their bedroom and collapsed on the bed. Arms tangled and legs entwined. She was beautiful in a Hollywood-kind of way; too much make-up and not enough skirt. She pulled herself away from him for one second; eyesight blurry and breath overtaken by alcohol. 

"Lil' Tommy Q-" she started, looking at one of the posts on the four poster bed they had inhabited. It was silk and sheer, but gorgeous and had only been worn once, when they were a 'they' not a 'them.'

_All alone with the negligee  
That still hangs off of my bed_

She got up and pulled it off the post, pressing the fabric against her body. It smelt like her and him; she was too drunk to notice, but he wasn't.

"Can I wear this? When we, you know," she said huskily.

He noticed the want in her eyes, but it wasn't the same. Not the same kind of want he once knew; not the want that had filled his eyes for the past year.

"You can hav-um, no," Tommy looked at his watch, feigning interest in the time, "Look, I have an early morning. I'm gonna have to take a rain check. Sorry." His voice was not sincere.

_I keep meaning to give it away  
But I just leave it there instead_

He drove for two hours; going fast and then slow and then fast again. That's the way his weeks had become; seconds felt like hours and hours felt like flashes from a camera. Finally, he exited the highway and drove out of the city for a few miles. His rights became lefts, but he knew the way like the back of his hand, tattoo included.

_No need to cry about it_

On his last right turn, he drove past a few houses to his end destination; one he had seen too many times in the past year. He turned the engine off as he sat in his car across the street. He wouldn't get out _yet_; it was too early. The lights were still on; not all of them, but one. The one that mattered; the studio. She was there, writing, recording, producing or doing whatever she did now.  
He didn't know how long he had been sitting across the street staring at her through her curtains until she got his attention. She shut the lights off. It was time. He slowly exited his car and closed the door, leaning against it, waiting. He counted down and took a deep breath.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Go.

He walked across the street, slowly and noiseless. He stepped onto the curb and stood in front of her house. He looked at her car. At his car. He shook his head and made his way to the front door. He took a few steps and stopped suddenly. His breath was caught in his throat as he waited for any sign of life; nothing but the wind and a few cars in the distance. Did she know, he thought. She had replaced the grass that once lined the sides of the walkway that led to her front door with gravel and rocks.

_I cannot live without it_

He stood in front of her door for a few seconds. He took a deep breath and picked up his left hand. The one that should have a band on one of its fingers, but doesn't. He placed his hand underneath the peephole on her front door and leaned on it. It was if his hand was on her 'heart' and he could feel it beat. He always came back to her 'heart.'

_Every time I wind up back at your door_

He knew it. She knew it. She also knew it really was her _heart_ that he could feel beating.


	4. Why Do You Do This To Me?

**A/N:** I am in Arizona as we speak. Or type I guess. My cousin is graduating high school. She makes me feel old. Now that I have completely finished my randomness...OH wait.

**CONGRATULATIONS APOLO AND JULIANNE!!** You guys rocked! Nice trophy! I am so proud to be an Apolo fan. :D

Now I am done. :D

Anyway, two new chapters. It took us forever to get here, so I had time to write. And listen to this song, 'Back At Your Door,' until my ears were numb. So, I guess that's it.

THANKS MUCHO FOR READING!!

* * *

He drove in silence back to his-their house. He was different now. Every time he came back; he was different. But only for mere minutes of his day. The feeling slowly, but surely washed away each time. The past few times were different somehow. He didn't know how different; it was just a feeling and that feeling lasted longer and longer each time, like a clue that only he was suppose to recognize, but he didn't. Not yet anyway.

As odd as it sounded, the door felt different; more a part of him than before.

_Why do you do this to me?_

After he pulled his car in the garage, he went upstairs. He had no need for anything else; just her. He laid on the bed and closed his eyes; didn't pull back the covers or undress. He saw her like every other night before. Her hair, her eyes, her lips. He felt her too. The way she moved, the way her hands roamed his body when she got close. If he focused enough, he could taste her; if only for seconds, but it lasted forever. In his mind, _she was his_. _Still his_. _Always_ was _his_. Being as far away as she was, she still got to him.

_You penetrate right through me_

Just like every other night, he fell asleep thinking of her. Of them. When they were together.

_Every time I wind up back at your door_


	5. 3 More Days 'Til I See Your Face

**A/N: **Second chapter tonight! Or today. Whatever.

When you get to the end of the chapter, you might have this reaction, "Um, what the-? I thought it was-!" Yeah, I know. You are probably right too. Or you knew it all along. :D

It's been a long day, so I blame this entire chapter, good and bad, on my brain melting in this godawful heat. I LOVE COLD WEATHER! I hate the AZ HEAT! Or heat in general, so anything that happens while it's hot is blamed on the weather change. At least that's my story. It's worked so far. Kinda.

THANKS MUCHO!

p.s. maybe a new chapter will be up tomorrow, but seeing as I am suppose to go to grad after parties and have my cousin ask me to do illegal things, I might not. Illegal underage drinking...I've got a year. But I don't drink, so maybe I will. It's the HEAT, I tell you:D

* * *

He sat on their bed and stared. It was all he could do to restrain himself from chucking the phone that laid in front of him across the room. Their room. Their phone. He picked up the phone reluctantly, as if it was going to bite him if he handled it the wrong way. He pressed 'talk' and placed his ear next to the speaker. He waited; all he heard was a dial tone. He took a deep breath and dialed. He knew the number by heart; after all, he'd 'called' her many times before. If you consider 'calling' to be dialing numbers when the phone was off, that is. It rang twice before he answered.

"Hello?"

"Can I talk to-"

"Yep, hold on."

He held his breath. 'He knew?' he thought, 'How?'

A loud laugh echoed through the speaker. Her laugh.

"Hey, this is-" she started cheerfully, completely unaware of who was on the other line.

"We need to talk."

It was time for her breath to catch in her throat. "Um, Tommy?"

"Yeah?"

She squeaked a little before speaking again. "I, uh, hm, maybe. I guess."

"When?"

She let out a sigh as she heard the unfamiliar calmness in his voice. "I don't know. Friday maybe?"

"Same place. Same time, Girl."

Her breathing was heavy as she tried to whisper, "Yeah."

"Bye."

All she could do was nod, even if he couldn't see her. She pulled the phone away from her face before hanging up.

_3 more days 'til I see your face_

He had been home for barely an hour, already freaking out as if she was in the same room as he was. He paced in the kitchen for minutes on end. He picked up random kitchen utensils, only to move them to some other place within seconds. It was too much for him to take. Just a conversation with her was sending him over the edge. He knew it would feel like this. After all, it had been a year; an incredibly long year.

_I'm afraid it's far too much_

He tried to focus his nervous energy on something else. He opened the refrigerator and pulled random items from the shelves; luckily, it made something edible. While he waited for the tortellini to cook and the sauce to heat up, he cleaned; something he hadn't in a while, a year to be exact. He picked up pages of lyrics from the kitchen table and mail from the kitchen counter. He rifled through the papers quickly before tossing away half and throwing the rest in a drawer. He cleared off the dining room table and put a table setting out, water glass and all. When the pasta and sauce were done, he poured both into a bowl and sat down with a glass of wine. As he sat and ate, by himself, he realized something was missing. He walked into the living room and picked up the phone. He took his seat at the head of the table and began to dial. This time the phone was on. It rang once.

"Hello."

He hung up as soon as the 'o' had escaped her mouth.

_Cook a meal and fix up the place  
Dial your number, hang it up_

It was Friday. Nothing mattered anymore. It was now or never. All the times he had gone to her door, she was finally coming to his. This was not how he had planned it. They should have already been behind the same door, but like always, he had messed up and now, they lived behind different doors.

The doorbell rang and he looked up from the stove to catch the time. She was late. Promptness had never been her forte. He took off his oven mitts, lowered the flame on the pot, and walked to the front door. He opened it with no expectations. This night would be good for them or put them behind separate doors forever.

"Hey," she said, smiling.

"Karma."


	6. You're My Reason For Living

**A/N:** I am back from AZ. California weather definitely suits me. Lots of drama this weekend. I might use it for another fan fiction. Who knows?

Anyway, this is a semi-long chapter; longer than my previous ones at least. It was a little weird to write since there is more dialogue. I think that's it as far as this chapter goes.

If anyone reads 'So Damn Clever' I am posting a new chapter after this one. :D

I think that's it.

THANKS MUCHO!

* * *

"Well, hello to you too," Karma said, standing on the front porch, waiting for Tommy to ask her in.

"Um…"

Karma waited impatiently, tapping her right knee high black boot. "So you gonna let me in? You wanted to talk, remember?"

Tommy nodded. "Yeah. Come in."

Karma walked in briskly as if she was Tommy's best friend and had been over a billion times before. She set her purse down in the foyer and took off her shoes. Tommy walked away from her into the kitchen and she followed.

Karma cut to the chase. "I don't have all day, so do we talk, or what?"

"Yeah." Tommy knew the conversation needed to take place, but he didn't know how to start it.

"You asked me here, Tommy. Can you give me more than just one word answers?"

"Ye-Yes, Karma."

"Well then."

"I-" Tommy started.

"What's up with you? You are acting really strange," Karma cut in.

"I-"

"Look, I know this hard for you. It's been a long time, I know."

Tommy knew what a long time was. "No kidding."

"Well, can we just act like there hasn't been this huge wall between us? I think we can work again. Like _before_." Karma laid it all out for Tommy.

"You think?" Tommy questioned. He never thought she'd be that easy to give in.

"Yeah, I do," Karma reassured him, "We were good together. You know that and I know that."

"Okay. That was easier than I thought," Tommy said, thankful.

Karma knowingly shook her head. "I am not always a bitch, you know."

Tommy smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I remember."

Karma looked at her watch. "Well, I think we're good then. I gotta go."

"Okay, I will walk you out."

Karma walked back to the foyer, picked up her purse, and put on her shoes. Tommy stood with the door open so that they could walk to her car. Karma walked out while Tommy followed. Once at the driver door, Karma turned to Tommy and handed him a manila envelope that she had held on to since she arrived.

"I've been working on some stuff that I think you should look at."

Tommy took the manila envelope. "Alright. Thanks."

"You're welcome. See ya."

Karma got into her car and started the engine before rolling down the window to speak to Tommy once more. "And by the way, you guys will be fine."

Tommy raised his eyebrows. "Excuse me?"

"Quincy. You're cooking, you look great, and you were practically in shock when you saw me at the door."

Tommy exhaled, not realizing he had been holding his breath. "You could tell?"

"Yeah, plus Karma isn't just my name. It's a real thriving thing and you guys were bound to happen again. You guys have given each other enough time for it not not to happen."

Tommy understood, sort of. "Um, yeah."

"You know what I mean."

"Yes, I do. And even coming from you, I appreciate it. Thanks."

"Welcome," Karma said, as she was about to pull out of the driveway, "Don't screw this up, Tommy. She may not be so forgiving the next time."

"I know."

"Bye, Producer Man," Karma said, smiling, "Wow! That feels so good to say."

"It's good to be called that again. Thanks Karma. Bye."

Tommy waved to her as he watched her drive away. Before he turned around, he heard a door slam and feet slowly walking towards him.

"Is that what we need to talk about?"

Before Tommy could even answer, he heard a loud beeping sound coming from inside the house. 'The sauce!' he thought as he ran inside, leaving his expected guest in his wake. She understood Tommy's frantic behavior and walked inside the house after him. She placed her purse in the foyer where Karma's had just been. Looking around the house, she got the chills; it was eerily the same, just a bit dirtier. It had been a long time since she had been inside; the outside looked just like every other night.

Tommy was able to calm the fire alarm in the kitchen down, only to realize that the sauce had burnt on the bottom, leaving only half of it edible. With his back to her, he placed the already cooked pasta and the salvaged sauce into two bowls. He reached in the refrigerator to grab fresh parmesan. He knew it was the only way she'd eat it. He placed the bowls on the already decorated kitchen table and walked behind her to get some glasses, trying hard not stare at her. He pulled a wine glass out and a water glass, since she didn't drink and filled each to their capacity before placing them on the table. Once the food and drinks were set, they both sat down, in silence. Not speaking while they ate, the pair took stolen glances in each other's direction. 'She looked good', he thought. And she knew he was getting back to his old self, however, she didn't know how much of his old self she could take.

It was at Tommy's last bite of pasta that he spoke.

"I should have told you," he said as he ate his late bit.

She put her fork down and looked at him. "You think?"

"Yeah. I realize I was stupid. I should have told you from the very beginning. But I thought I would have lost you because you didn't know me or my past."

_If I took you for granted_

"That's a relationship, Tommy," she said, her eyes never leaving him.

"I know that. _Now_. I just didn't realize that the longer I held it in, the longer I kept it to myself, the more you would trust me, the harder the repercussions would be when I did tell you," Tommy said, almost shaking as he realized for the first time that he caused her to leave him.

"It's because you loved me, but were too afraid to admit it," she said, easily.

His eyes met hers. "I-Yeah. God, Girl. I am so messed up. I always have been. I am so sorry, even though I know sorry is waste at this point."

_I apologize for acting tough_

"You're right. Thanks for the apology, but it doesn't change things now. I am good. I have a life. Without _you_."

Tommy knew he had hurt her last year, he didn't realize how much. With her confession, he threw his chair back and stood up. "Fuck!"

She jumped a bit, remembering old times when Tommy throwing back chairs would be a regular occurrence, but she held her cool. "Tommy. What did you think would happen tonight?"

Tommy looked away from her and shook his head. "I don't know."

She couldn't believe she was doing this. After all this time. "I know what you hoped."

Tommy turned quickly to face her. "Yeah?"

She put her head down and stared at her water glass, not wanting look at him. "It's the same thing that I've been hoping for the past year. That we could be together again. Like _before_."

Tommy rushed to her and kneeled before her, taking her left hand into his. "But we can be."

She shook her head. "No. Not like before. I can't do that anymore. This is now, not the past."

With her hand in his, Tommy subconsciously rubbed her ring finger, where the platinum circle used to be. "I want you in my life, Girl."

_You're my reason for living_

She took her hand from him. "I know you do."

"And I know you need time to let me in your life again."

She nodded. "Yes. I do."

"But I'm staying, Girl. I will always be in your life. From here on out."

_And there's no way I'm giving up, oh_

She didn't know if she could trust him. Like _before_. But she knew she could try.

"No more doors," he said to himself.

She was confused. "Excuse me?"

"Um…nothing."

Silence filled the house. Their house. She looked at her watch and knew it was time to go. "Thanks Tommy."

"Welcome Girl."

"I'm going." She got out of her chair as Tommy followed her into the foyer.

"Okay."

After picking up her purse, she looked at Tommy once more. Tommy walked up to her and pulled her into a hug. "Bye."

She gave him a light peck on the cheek and walked out the door. "See ya."

They stood there on opposite sides of the front door with their left hand underneath the peephole, thinking each had gone on to their separate lives forgetting about the other.


	7. I Cannot Live Without It

**A/N:** Here is another chapter. I will probably post another one or at least start the next chapter tonight. I will probably post another chapter of 'So Damn Clever' also tonight. Maybe. I've been working on it. Also, I had another fan fic that I was writing previously to posting SDC that I may actually post the first chapter tonight. Maybe. I don't like the chapter the way it is, so I may add more before I post which then may take me a couple of days.

For now, I am going to finish my math homework. Ewww...Something Jude and I have in common; we hate math. Thank God I plan on teaching English. Or doing PR. Whatever.

So now you can read. It's not much. But it's Tommy.

* * *

He sat in the living room after he heard her car pull away from the sidewalk. There were dishes to clean and food to put away, but it didn't matter. Nothing else mattered, but _her_. How he never realized that until now, until it was too late; he never knew. All his thoughts were spoken out loud now. The walls were the only things that knew and felt what they had felt. _Before_.

"I can't do this. Without her."

_No need to cry about it_

"She's all I need. All I ever needed."

_I cannot live without it_

"I want her so bad it hurts." Tommy broke down. For the first time. _Ever_. His tears formed rivers of salt on his face. His eyes became red and puffy. His face contorted to a shape that most mothers would have said, if held long enough would stay that way. His breathing became sharp and shallow; each breath becoming painstaking harder to take. He sat with his head in his hands for an hour. Before he knew it, the sky was black and the left out food was ice cold.

_Every time I wind up back at your door_

He placed his hand on his heart and felt its attempts at ripping itself from its owner; an owner that never once cared about this organ in anyone else. Until _her_. Until _now_.

_Why do you do this to me?_

He remembered when his heart had almost stopped; when he believed they were okay. Like _before_.

'_I know what you hoped.'_

His heart had been in his throat, suffocating him. '_Yeah?'_

He remembered watching her. She couldn't look at him, he knew. Or she'd lose her nerve and then he'd never know. '_It's the same thing that I've been hoping for the past year. That we could be together again. Like_ before.'

He remembered rushing to her; to let her know she was right. '_But we can be.'_

But he knew she couldn't let it be that easy. For both their sakes. '_No. Not like before. I can't do that anymore. This is now, not the _past_.'_

_You penetrate right through me_

The past. Before. The past. Before. The past. Before. The past. Before. The past. Before. The past. Before. The past. Before. The past. Before. The past. Before.

THE PAST. BEFORE.

"NO!" he growled as he jumped from his seat in the living room. He was tired. His face showed it. It wasn't just from breaking down moments before. It was from it all.

He knew. She knew. The past was gone. There wasn't a before. It was now. Here and now. And that was all that mattered.

_Every time I wind up back at your door_


	8. He's Just Wasting Your Love And Time'

**A/N:** Well, we are at the end, guys. I have one more chapter and the story is done. It's kinda bittersweet; I'll miss this story, but at the same time I'll be able to focus completely on So Damn Clever which is close/almost done as it is.

Ahhh the writing.

I am hoping to finish up this story by the end of the week, but as my life as been completely turn upside down with some major family drama and fallouts, I don't know. I don't think I've experienced as much drama as I have in last 5 days since like I was in the fourth grade.

Anyway, next chapter is definitely going to be the hardest to write for me because of its context which is why I rated this fic M even if there are only a few cuss words here or there, so we'll see.

This chapter is the longest I've ever written. It was kinda cool looking at the finished product, but at the same time it felt like it was missing some stuff, but I am happy with the chapter. It's different, I guess.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own characters or anything New York-related.

Oh well, that's it.

THANKS MUCHO!

* * *

Days went by and things were good. They weren't together. _Yet_. They talked and sometimes saw each other. That's what she wanted and if that alone was going to keep her in his life, then that was what he was going to do.

It was Friday, a couple weeks after the first talk. The phone rang in the living room while he was in the kitchen making dinner. For her.

He answered after the second ring.

"Hello," he breathed.

"Hey you." Her voice was muffled by the surrounding sounds on her end of the line.

"Oh. Hey Girl."

"Were you expecting someone else?" she questioned.

"Um, no."

"You sounded a little disappointed that it was me."

"I could never be disappointed to hear your voice," he said smiling.

Trying to stand her ground, she answered, "Well, that's what tonight is going to have to be. Just my voice."

"What?"

"I can't come over tonight. I'm sorry."

"Why?" He needed to know.

"Because."

"Because why?"

"It's no big deal," she shrugged.

"Then why can't you tell me?"

"Because."

"Because why?" he pressed.

"Because…it's none of your business and it'll only get you mad!" she answered defensively.

"None of my business?! I'll get mad?!" he yelled into the receiver.

She cringed knowing she had fired him up. "See…you already are. I told you!"

He hadn't been prepared for a letdown so he tried to regain his composure quickly. "Forget it then. If this doesn't mean anything to you then forget it."

She wanted to throw her cell phone. "Tommy! Do not play that game. I want this just as much as you do."

"You have a funny way of showing it," he scoffed.

She rolled her eyes. "I can't even talk to you. You are acting like a child."

"I'M ACTING LIKE A CHILD?!" he bellowed.

She wouldn't allow him to have that kind of power over her. "TOMMY! I am NOT doing this tonight. I gotta go. Bye," she announced.

"Bye Girl," he said as the dial tone blared in his ear.

_Now every evening is a bitter fight_

He sat at the breakfast nook eating out of the glass container that held his famous lasagna. He didn't bother to put it on a plate or sit at the dining room table like she would have. It didn't matter. Only she mattered and she was off somewhere, where he didn't matter; at least not at the moment.

_And I'm eating all alone on a Friday night_

He needed to take his mind off of her, so he haphazardly covered the glass dish and stuck it in the refrigerator, leaving the rest of the unclean dishes out. He picked up his glass and the bottom of wine he was currently eliminating and walked out of the kitchen, past the living room and down the hallway that was off the foyer. He opened the door with a skilled hand, only to hear it creak. 'WD40,' he thought, 'Gotta pick some up.'

A flick of his wrist and the room illuminated. His studio. Her studio. Their studio. He placed his glass and the wine bottle on the desk next to the sound board. He didn't need to replace it again; not after the last time. He sat in the plush black leather swivel chair that stood in front of the board and remembered its former inhabitant.

They had come home from a G Major party and she had had too many 'Sex on the Beach' cocktail drinks. Enough so that the entire ride home, that's all she could talk about.

'Tommy, can we do it on the beach? I've never done it on a beach,' she had said, tugging on the cuffs of his button-down shirt.

'Someday, Girl. Maybe our honeymoon.'

'Our honeymoon sounds nice. On the beach of course.'

'Sounds great.' he had said, trying desperately to think less about their honeymoon and more on the road back home.

'Wait.'

He looked over at her to make sure she wasn't getting sick. 'Are you okay?'

'I'm fine. I'm just thinking.'

'About what?'

'I don't think the sand would feel so good. You know, in there.'

He had gotten flustered, completely floored by her thoughts that he started to laugh. 'I-uh. Well.'

'Maybe the beach isn't such a good idea then.'

To gain his focus again, he had cleared his throat. 'Maybe Girl.'

'No,' she had announced, shaking her head.

'Excuse me?'

'No.'

'Care to elaborate?'

'I want to.'

'Want to what, Girl?'

That's when she took a deep breath and yelled 'I WANT TO HAVE SEX ON THE BEACH!!' towards her already open window at some teenage guys sitting in the next car. The driver had winked at her and she had giggled in response.

Tommy's response was to roll up her window and floor the Viper towards their house. 'OKAY, Girl. I get it. The world doesn't need to though.'

'Sorry.'

After the shout out, she had the inspiration to sing. She pulled Tommy into the studio and wanted him to produce a song with her. Not thinking clearly, she placed her open water bottle directly on the sound board and ran behind the Plexiglas to sing. Within a matter of seconds, the bottle's contents seeped through the crevices and the board started to hiss and sizzle, sparks flying from all directions. She killed the board with her water bottle and he had to replace it the next day. It cost him another $10,000 to get a new one and part of his dignity. She laughed so hard from seeing the board die that she peed in her pants and he was the only one coherent enough to change her.

He laughed as he thought about the dead board. Only she could have done that. He turned the swivel chair towards the Plexiglas and pressed the 'on' button on the sound board, waiting for it to start. Once it came to life, he hit playback and the chorus to 'White Lines' came sifting through the studio as he continued to sit and think about her. About them.

"Maybe I should call him?" she questioned to the table before her. Her question was answered by several dirty looks.

"No," Patsy said.

"You don't need to talk to him," Kat told her, sipping on her strawberry daiquiri.

"This is Girl's Night, remember?" Mason told her.

"No Tommy," Sadie said.

"I don't even know why you bother with him anymore. After what happened," Kat wondered.

"It's Tommy, hello?!" Mason said.

"My point exactly. I shouldn't have to count the seconds before I get a phone call from my best friend, having to hear her cry over some dickhead," Kat reiterated.

"Easy, Kat," said Patsy, trying to calm a flustered Kat down.

Kat looked at Patsy. "Easy is breaking Lil' Tommy Q's heart. Easy is designing a dress. Hell, _I'm_ easy," Kat pointed at herself before moving her finger to her best friend as she explained her thoughts to the rest of the crowd, "THIS-This is NOT EASY."

Seeing the debacle in front of him, Mason needed reinforcements. "I need another round over here!"

'Thanks Kat," she said.

"Welcome. I just hate to hear you cry. Especially over someone as insignificant as Mr. White Bandanna."

"But-" she tried.

"Don't. Don't tell me 'this time is different.'"

"But it is," she insisted.

"No! It's not. It's the same. It will always be the same with him. You need someone who deserves you."

"He is a waste. A waste of carbon, hydrogen, and oxygen atoms. A waste of perfectly good Canadian land. A waste of a musically-inclined brain," Patsy added agreeing.

"And who says he doesn't?" she said, more to herself, as everyone turned their focus on the newly dropped off cocktail drinks.

_And I know what your friends say  
"He's just wasting your love and time"_

He turned off the lights in the studio as he made his way back into the kitchen. He threw away the empty wine bottle and placed his glass next to the sink. He started to wash the dirty dishes that were scattered around the kitchen as he hummed 'White Lines' to himself.

Minutes had passed and he thought he had heard a door slam. He shut the water off and held a pot next to his chest as he held his breath, waiting. Nothing; but the wind and dogs barking in the distance. He went back to washing the dishes.

She slammed her door shut, not thinking about him hearing her and knowing she had come. She leaned against her car and watched the house across the street with want, anger, and strength in her eyes. The lights were still on, letting her know he was awake. She waited, wondering if she should make her presence known. She looked away from the house and put her focus on her car keys, anything to take her mind off the man inside. The man who meant the world to her. The man who wanted her. The man who understood her like no one else. But he was also the man that had hurt her unlike any other. Her eyes fell on a gold key with the letter 'T' inscribed on it and the red plastic heart that was connected to it. She remembered when she got the cheesy keychain. It was a gift from him; when he proposed.

He had taken her to New York for the weekend. They stayed at The Carlyle in the Deco Suite. From the moment they got there, Tommy wanted to show her New York the way he thought she should see it; they ate breakfast at the Mon Petit Café, strolled through Central Park, shopped on Fifth Avenue, ate lunch at ­­­­Nobu, watch Wicked on Broadway, and ate dessert at Serendipity 3. Finally, he let her sleep. The next day, they took it easy and went to visit Time Square. That night, he ordered room service on one of the terraces and proposed. After he proposed they had dessert; chocolate-covered strawberries, chocolate boxes with coffee ice cream, and champagne. Then he gave her 'his heart' and 'the key' to it. She laughed at its cheesiness and cried at its meaning. That night, she gave herself to him; all of herself. For the first time.

Tears ran down her face as she remembered their past. When they were together and happy. Now they were separate and sometimes unhappy.

She wanted him; all of him, like before. She was just too afraid to admit it; too afraid to go back for her heart, the one Tommy always had. Leaving Tommy made her strong, independent. It was good for her. She had once depended on him too much and it broke her when she left. Now she was whole, her own person. Without Tommy. But she wanted him back. Despite what everyone else told her.

How long he had been standing next to the window, watching her, he didn't know. He saw her crying next to her car and he wanted to hold her, comfort her. _Almost_. He needed her, more than anyone else knew. And in time, he was going to get her.

_I will never let you change your mind_

She stood in front of his front door for a few minutes, watching the window, looking at the lights in the house. 'He's still up,' she thought, 'Is he waiting for me?' With a new found courage, she placed her hand underneath the peep hole of the door and leaned against it, waiting. She held her position for a few more minutes, before taking several deep breaths and pressing the door bell. No answer. She counted to five and pressed the door bell again. No answer. Again, she counted to five and pressed the door bell. She waited with baited breath, ready to give up, go home, and cry herself to sleep.

He stood on the other side of the door, wondering if he should answer. He heard her sigh and her feet scratch the concrete in front of the door. He turned around and placed his hand underneath the peep hole on the front door and took several deep breaths. 'Now or never,' he thought.

He pulled back the door to see her head pop up instantly. She looked like she had been caught doing something very naughty which made Tommy smile, losing his cool demeanor.

Sheepishly she said, "Hi."

Tommy just looked at her, making her second guess coming to his house in the first place.

"I wan-Can I-" she started.

"Yeah," he said pulling the door back even more, letting her in.

She walked into the foyer and put her purse down. Tommy closed the door and turned around. The pair looked at each other, waiting for the other to speak.

Simultaneously they spoke, "I'm sorry."

Both laughed and started again, "No, you go-"

Tommy finished, "Go ahead, Girl."

"Thanks."

Tommy walked towards the kitchen, never saying a word, leaving her confused. She followed Tommy, using her nervous energy to play with her split ends. Tommy put a pot of coffee on, knowing that the night had just gotten longer.

She stood behind the breakfast nook in front of Tommy and sighed.

"I went out."

Tommy pulled out two coffee cups before turning around to face her. "I figured as much. With him?"

"What?"

"Don't act stupid."

She scoffed, "If you're talking about Mason, then yes. But there is no Him. Just Mason. And you."

Tommy cleared his throat, embarrassed at his accusations. Changing the subject, Tommy said, "Still think it's cheesy?"

"What's cheesy?"

"My heart and key."

_No need to cry about it_

Her breath got caught in throat. "How did-"

"I saw you out there," he said as she blushed, her cheeks turning into two roses, "Just like all the other nights. The nights that you stalked me."

She laughed loudly. 'God, how I've missed that laugh,' he thought.

"Please, I would never stalk you."

"Then why would you stand outside my house and stare?"

"I-"

"I-what?" he pressed.

"I-I don't just stand outside your house and stare."

Trying to lighten the mood as Tommy knew the conversation was going to be long, he asked, "Are you the one that keeps peeing on my lawn? Because I keep getting patches of dead grass here and there. And you know what they say about a bi-"

"Are you calling me a bitch?" she questioned her voice higher than before.

Tommy saw her eyes and retracted. "N-n-no."

"It sure sounded like it."

"I think your hearings off, Girl. And you're avoiding my question."

"No. I don't pee on your grass."

"I meant the other one," he said, smiling.

"Oh," she said, taking a deep breath, "I stand in front of your house and stare and I…uh…I walk up to your door and put…and put my hand on it."

Tommy's body temperature heightened as he listened to her describe the same things he did when he visited her.

"Why do you put your hand on my door?"

"Because it feels like I'm touching your heart."

"Oh," he said, smiling.

"Tell me that it's not stalker-ish," she said, innocently.

"It's not stalker-ish at all," he assured her.

"Thanks for lying to me."

"You're welcome, Girl."

"I think the coffee's ready."

"Oh. I forgot. Did you-"

"Do you even need to ask?" she scoffed.

"Never, but I was trying to be polite."

"Oh. Tommy Q the Gentleman. When was the last time he came out and played, hmm?"

"Funny, Girl. Really funny."

Tommy poured her coffee and handed it to her. She sat down at the kitchen table as he poured his own cup. After he was done, he followed suit. Minutes of silence and stolen glances passed before they spoke again.

"I've seen you too."

_I cannot live without it_

Tommy practically choked on his coffee at her statement. "Excuse me?"

"You think I was the only one who stalked? Then you're just a little delusional since you are the one who started it off."

"I-well," he started.

"How did you know?" she asked.

"Know what?"

"About my visits."

"I came downstairs one night to put back a bottle and I instinctively decided to look out the front window. I think part of me knew you were out there somehow. And then there you were. In all your glory," he told her.

"When?"

"Probably six months after you left."

She just nodded.

"What about me?"

"I didn't know at first. Mason told me-"

Tommy's eyes widened. "So he did know!"

"What?" she asked confused.

"When I called you. He didn't even let me finish asking for you. He just said 'Yep. Hold on.'"

She smiled. "Yeah. He didn't tell me it was you. I just heard your voice and knew."

"Yeah."

"Anyway, Mason saw you first. I caught him staring through his bedroom window one night. I remember going to his room to ask him about a song and then I saw him leaning against the wall, looking out the window, smiling. I thought he saw spying on the guys across the street that he has a crush on. But when I asked him, he said his 'dream had come true. A boybander was waiting to whisk' him away."

Tommy shuddered. "Not this boybander."

She smiled and continued, "When I looked for myself and I saw it was you, I freaked. I wanted to go downstairs and chew you out, but Mason said it would ruin his dream, so I decided against it. I mean, Mason took me in after I left and I kinda felt like I owed it to him, you know?"

"So you let him stare at me all this time?!"

"Um…yeah," she answered honestly, "Think of it as payback. A piece of cake considering what you did."

"Yeah. You're right. I'm sorry."

"I know."

They finished their coffee before she spoke again.

"Do you just stare?"

Tommy took a deep breath. "No."

"What do you do?"

"I stand in front of your door and put my hand under the peep hole."

"Why?"

"I think it's your heart," he confessed.

She knew the truth. "It is."

"What?"

"Lately, after I've seen you outside, I stand behind the door. It makes me feel closer to you somehow. To know we are at the same level, I guess. But I never knew you stood next to the door or else I probably would never have done it."

Realization hit Tommy. "That's why it feels different."

"What feels different?" she asked, confused.

"The door. I can feel you. I mean, your heart. I can feel it beat."

"Are you sure it's not just termites?" she asked, unsure.

"No, Girl. I know. I know what your heart feels like."

She stared at him before answering. "Yeah. I forgot. You've always had it."

"Always?" he asked for confirmation.

She nodded her head. "Always."

Every time I wind up back at your door


	9. Every Time I Wind Up Back At Your Door

**A/N: **I wasn't going to upload this until later today, but I figured "What the hay?..I'm up. Might as well get it over with."

This is the finale. Last chapter. Wow...it must be a sign...my media player just started 'Back At Your Door' :D (I LOVE THIS SONG!!!)

Anyway, I'm a little sad that this fan fic is over with. But it's bittersweet. I started a new fan fic like yesterday...ahaha. I think I'm addicted. But it's all good since I finish school this week, so I'll have the rest of the summer to write. :D

Now that this fan fic is over with, I can focus on "So Damn Clever" (which I may add, I think I have dearly neglected since I started 'BAYD,' but I think everyone over there is cool with it. So now I can finish it up! Can't wait:D) and "Your Future Is Bright, Kinda" (which is going to be huge for me since I am merging two practically different worlds with Jude's. I hope you check it out :D)

Back to the story at hand. I need to say that a larger part of me hates the majority of this chapter because I don't think I did it justice. I think it's okay and kinda lacking the passion that is this couple. But there is a small (and when I say small I mean minute) part of me that is satisfied with it because A.) it's my first time and B.) I have no real world experience (catch my drift ;D), and I don't think my imagination is up to par compared to others. But oh well. There is nothing I can do about it now.

I'm done.

Thank you to Maroon 5 for writing a kick ass song that gave me the idea and inspiration to write this fan fic (as well as Instant Star, for without you, I would have no real "Substance.")

Thank you to all the readers and lurkers out there. You made me want to write. :D

I can't believe I have finished my FIRST fan fiction! YAY ME! ahaha (however small it is compared to other stories, I'm still happy. :D)

THANKS MUCHO!!!!!!!

I'll see you around. :D

* * *

"I promise to be gentler." 

"I sure hope so. I don't know how much more my heart can take," she said, looking at him as she played with her mug.

"Me either."

"Are we still talking about the same heart?"

"I don't know," Tommy said, shrugging.

She looked at her coffee mug, took a deep breath, and looked back at Quincy. "I need you to be honest."

Tommy stared at her. "I can only try, Girl."

"That's all I need."

"Okay."

She clenched her jaw in thought and then asked her questions. "Do you love me?"

"How can you-" Tommy said, stunned.

"Answer the question!" she said forcefully.

"Okay," he said, taking deep breaths in between his thoughts, "Yes, I love you. More than there are stars in the sky."

"Do you need me?"

"Yes. Like I need the air to breathe."

"Do you want me?"

"Yes. Like I want that new Viper."

Her eyes started to light up for the first time since she arrived and she smiled. "You are so 27 sometimes."

Tommy smiled, his eyes shining.

"Can you live without me?"

Tommy thought for a second before answering. "Yes. Like I have this past year."

She only nodded her head.

"But I don't want to," Tommy said, shaking his head.

"What?" she asked.

"I can live without you, but I don't want to. I am worse without you. You make me better. In _every_ way possible."

She smiled. "Ditto. To all the above."

Tommy returned her smile with his own. "You are so 20 sometimes."

_Why do you do this to me?  
You penetrate right through me  
Every time I wind up back at your door_

"We're good then?" she asked.

"Only if you say we are."

She nodded her head. "We're good."

"Thanks, Girl."

Pushing her cup away, she said, "No problem, Quincy."

She got out of her chair and stood up, waiting for Tommy. Tommy led her through the hallway to the foyer to get her purse. Walking side by side, they briefly touched. She shivered, not knowing how or why his touch could do that to her. They stopped as they reached the foyer and she retrieved her purse. She placed her purse strap over her shoulder and reached in for her car keys, pulling on the plastic red heart that she had looked at earlier in the evening.

In one swift movement, Tommy pulled her into a tight hug, not wanting to let her go. He placed his head next to hers and took a deep breath, smelling her hair as he inhaled. It smelled like it always had; like music, if music were a scent. She tried to calm herself and looked up at the stairs, biting her bottom lip. Her nerves were going crazy as his body pressed against hers, even in the innocent hug. He let go as he realized he had held on for far too long. He pushed her away, keeping her at arms length to look at her. She saw him staring at her, his eyes roaming her entire body. There was something in the air tonight and they both could feel it. He was the first to react.

He pulled her back towards him, letting go of her halfway into their embrace to grab her face. With her face in his hands, he stared at her. For the first time that night. Her eyes said it all. She wanted it as much as he did.

He pulled her face towards his, closing the gap between the two and kissed her. She dropped her keys at the sudden movement. A year's worth of waiting, wanting, lust, and love in one kiss from two sides. It was powerful and intoxicating. As the oxygen between the pair diminished, she broke away, breathing heavily.

He let go of her face, unsure of the consequences that lay ahead. She took off her purse and dropped it on the floor, adding it to the keys that already laid there. She looked at him and tried to keep her heavy breathing in check.

"Tommy."

His eyes met hers.

"I want you. All of you. Now."

Tommy never responded. He picked her up bridal style, resumed kissing, and trudged up the stairs to his room. Her room. Their room. Skillful as his hands were, he was able to open the closed door of the bedroom without dropping her or stopping the potent make-out session they had started.

_No need to cry about it  
I may just die without it  
Every time I wind up back at your door_

Passion ran through their veins like blood. They were them after all. One match lit a forest fire; a spark led to a flame. It was how it always was between them. Whoever said make-up sex was the best sex must have been talking about them.

He tossed her on the four poster bed that had not seen any type of action in the past year; at least not any action followed through. He strategically placed himself in between her legs as he started to undress her. She skillfully kicked off her heels and let him do the rest. First her halter top, then he shimmed her out of her jeans. She watched him as he became fixated with her body. He left her in her underwear as she followed suit and undressed him. She slowly taunted him as she unbuttoned his shirt, button by button.

"Girl," he hungrily growled as she undid his pants.

Clad in only boxers, he pushed her back onto the bed; one hand roaming her body and the other cleverly attempting the hem of her lace boy shorts. She moaned in sheer happiness; each touch leaving mini-flames all over her body. He threw the panties on the floor and wrapped his arms around her, unhooking her bra, exposing two tempting breasts. She eagerly pulled his boxers off, revealing a completely rigid self. He wasted no time and entered her with pure precision, kissing her body all the way to her lips, small quivers escaping her from every kiss. She arched her back as the pressure from his entrance became almost unbearable. He nibbled her breasts as his thrusts started out slow and calculated, but as time went on, they became intense and enthralling. Each force was like a wave crashing onto the shore, gaining momentum, but creating a rippling effect that ran through both bodies. Each ripple bringing the pair closer to the edge of the earth. He kissed her roughly, biting her bottom lip to control himself as his world became foggy. Her hands roamed his chest and shoulders and as she spoke she dug her nails into his back to restrain herself.

"Tommy."

"Yeah?"

"Fast-er," she breathed, her breath tickling his hot skin.

At her command, he doubled the energy he previously had been using; working almost at warp speed. Their bodies moved in sync, like her voice against the music. They had hit the climax when both were completely spent; the walls surrounding them were closing in. Crying each other's name in bliss, they came with wild abandonment. Heavily breathing, the pair sighed as the past year washed over them. A year became intoxicated and unadulterated passion.

_Why do you do this to me?  
You penetrate right through me  
Every time I wind up back at your door_

When it was all over, the pair was exhausted. Still inside her, Tommy listened as she spoke, letting her breathing come down from its high.

"Tommy?" she asked, staring up at him as she rested on his chest.

"Yeah?" he said, looking her in the eyes.

"I love you."

Tommy smiled and kissed her before responding. "I love you too, Jude."

The pair reluctantly fell asleep in each other's arms as the sun rose in the east, only to wake up and perform the same lustful acts again and again, trying to make up for their lost year. No matter what anyone said, they had made it back to each other; hearts, minds, and all. That was the only thing that mattered. _Now_.

_Every time I wind up back at your door  
Every time I wind up back at your door_


End file.
